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Just Ask Alice

DEAR ALICE: I've often wondered why, after God created Adam, he decided to create Eve. Do you have any thoughts on this?

— WONDERING IN WYSOX

DEAR WOND: After God created Adam, he stood back to admire his work and said: "You know, I can do better than that."

— ALICE

*********

DEAR ALICE: The scuttlebutt where I work is that you're not a real woman, but actually a man. I think you're a woman, but I have to know. Are you really on my side?



— FAITHFUL FAN,

TUNKHANNOCK

DEAR FAITH: I'm insulted. Does anyone ever ask Dear Abby if she's a real woman? Does anyone ever question Miss Manners's gender? Yes, I'm a real woman and I've got the hairy armpits to prove it.

— ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My mom's always saying that "men are like horoscopes" but she won't tell me why. Can you?

— WAITING IN

WYALUSING

DEAR WAIT: It's because they're always telling you what to do and usually are wrong.

—ALICE

**********

DEAR ALICE: I'm no spring chicken by any means, but I feel great and still love life. What sort of signs should I look for to tell me that I'm getting old?

— AGING IN ATHENS

DEAR AG: Here's one: By the time you've lit the last candle on your birthday cake, the first one has burned out.

—ALICE









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