OldArchive / Just Ask Alice
Just Ask Alice
— WONDERING IN WYSOX
DEAR WOND: After God created Adam, he stood back to admire his work and said: "You know, I can do better than that."
DEAR ALICE: The scuttlebutt where I work is that you're not a real woman, but actually a man. I think you're a woman, but I have to know. Are you really on my side?
— FAITHFUL FAN,
DEAR FAITH: I'm insulted. Does anyone ever ask Dear Abby if she's a real woman? Does anyone ever question Miss Manners's gender? Yes, I'm a real woman and I've got the hairy armpits to prove it.
DEAR ALICE: My mom's always saying that "men are like horoscopes" but she won't tell me why. Can you?
— WAITING IN
DEAR WAIT: It's because they're always telling you what to do and usually are wrong.
DEAR ALICE: I'm no spring chicken by any means, but I feel great and still love life. What sort of signs should I look for to tell me that I'm getting old?
— AGING IN ATHENS
DEAR AG: Here's one: By the time you've lit the last candle on your birthday cake, the first one has burned out.