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Just Ask Alice

DEAR ALICE: Is it OK to kiss a dog on the mouth? My sister kisses her dog and says it's harmless.

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: Don't you know that kissing a pooch on the mouth can spread germs, you silly? My neighbor used to kiss her dog all the time until the poor dog caught something from her and died.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I see that when President and Mrs. Obama came out of a parent teacher conference they didn't look very happy. Do you know if they got bad news or something?

—DUSHORE DEM

DEAR CUR: Yep, they got bad news for sure. They found out that Joe Biden isn't going to pass sixth grade.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I hear that when the President of Mexico visited our country recently he asked to meet with our nation's largest importer of Mexican goods. Do you know who that might be?

—WONDERING IN WYALUSING

DEAR WOND: Charlie Sheen.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I have to use the word coincidence in a sentence for school and am having a hard time. Can you help?

—FORKSTON FOURTH GRADER

DEAR FOR: Try this: "All these dictatorships in the Middle East are toppling, and the King of Saudi Arabia announced a $37 billion handout to his people, and I thought, ?Now there's a coincidence.'"

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Do you know how the Oval Office at the White House came to be?

—SILVARA STUDENT

DEAR SIL: It wasn't always oval-shaped, you see. It originally was square. The oval thing didn't happen until President Taft took office and he was so fat that the office sort of conformed to his shape.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I hear there is a social networking website just for Muslim women in the Middle East. Do you know what it's called?

—ONLINE IN OVERTON

DEAR ON: Yep, I know about it. It's called Cover Your Facebook.com.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I saw on the news recently that Americans are too clean. The report said that we are over using cleaning products containing antibiotics and in the process destroying our immunity to certain germs. Should we really be concerned about this?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: If you're concerned, I urge you to stop by my neighbor, Phyllis Cunningham's house here on Jester Hill. Her place hasn't had a good cleaning in years, and it's likely the perfect place to get a good dose of immunity.

— ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My husband tells me that the word "politics" is actually a word that was first used by the ancient Romans. Is this true?

—CURIOUS IN CANTON

DEAR CUR: Nope, your husband is wrong. It comes from "poly," an ancient Greek word meaning many, and "tics," an old English word for blood-sucking critters.

—ALICE

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CONFIDENTIAL TO MAN OF MY DREAMS, MONROETON: Your new guy may seem perfect, but don't forget that over the years, those six-pack abs can quickly turn into a full keg.

—ALICE





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