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Just Ask Alice

DEAR ALICE: I'm planning a trip to New York City soon and I'm wondering if I should be concerned about that deadly python that escaped from the zoo and may be slithering around the city.

—NO SNAKE CHARMER, NEW ALBANY

DEAR NO: I wouldn't worry about it. The only snakes you need to be concerened about in New York City are the ones that slither around on two legs.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: What's all the talk I hear about Angry Birds? Is it a smart phone game, a movie or what?

—BIRCHARDVILLE BIRDWATCHER

DEAR BIR: It's both a game and a movie, and it's all based on a flock of robins who flew home to enjoy Spring here in Northeast Pennsylvania and were confronted with unseasonably cold weather like we're having right now. Wouldn't that make you angry?

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Is it true that a group of students from the Jester Hill High School in your community took part in the relay run to Harrisburg along with other students to protest Governor Corbett's budget cuts in education?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: Well, it's sort of true. The local kids started running but soon realized they didn't have a clue how to get to Harrisburg.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: What is it with people getting messed up by taking bath salts?

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: Messed up is putting it mildly. Bath salts cause all sorts of problems like agitation, paranoia, hallucinations, high blood pressure, chest pain, suicidal thoughts and more ugly stuff. Doesn't that sound like fun? If you know someone who's thinking about taking this stuff, tell them to go soak their head.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Remember during the presidential election campaign when Barack Obama said we shouldn't be fighting two wars and vowed to change our policy? What happened?

—WONDERING IN WYALUSING

DER WON: Well, the President made good on his promise, that's what happened. Now we're fighting three wars.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I see on the news that a small amount of radiation from Japan has reached Pennsylvania. I can't afford to buy a geiger counter so how can I tell if this is getting dangerous?

—NUKED IN NEWBERRY

DEAR NU: I'd say it's time to start worrying when you begin to notice that everyone you encounter looks like they've spent too much time in the tanning booth. (I'm real concerned about my sister because she already looks that way).

—ALICE

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