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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: I’m about to buy my first car, actually it’s a 1989 Ford pickup truck. I had my dad look it over and he thinks I’m getting a pretty good deal, but I also wanted to ask you for a tip or two when it comes to buying a used vehicle.

—TOWANDA TEEN

DEAR TO: The most important thing when buying a vehicle that old is to find out how much gas is in the tank. At today’s prices, a full tank of gas might be worth more than the truck.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I recently retired and my wife told me last week that I had to give up drinking beer because it’s an expense that we can do without. A couple days later, she came home from the store with $80 in make-up. When I complained, she explained that she buys the makeup so she’ll look nice for me. I was lost for words. What should I have said?

—SOBER IN SILVARA

DEAR SOB: You should have told her that after a couple six packs she looks just fine to you, and it’s a whole lot cheaper than buying makeup.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I suspect my neighbor might be doing some sort of illegal drugs. Is there a way I can tell?

—WONDERING IN WYALUSING

DEAR WOND: There are many signs of drug abuse, and you should contact a medical doctor or another health professional for advice. In the meantime, take a close look at your neighbor’s eyes. If it looks like someone else is driving, it’s likely a sign of a problem.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Does your husband make you feel good by telling you things like you’re attractive and sexy?

—WILMOT WOMAN

DEAR WIL: He sure does. My Tyson tells me that I have the body of a God—Buddha.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I notice that you hardly ever make predictions. I would expect that a person with your connections and intelligence should be able to tell us something about what’s coming down the road.

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: Predictions are very difficult—especially when you’re talking about the future.

—ALICE

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CONFIDENTIAL TO ANGRY IN ATHENS: Tell your sister-in-law that you refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

—ALICE

 

 

 


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