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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: Is it true that former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich could be sentenced to 300 years in prison?

—WONDERING IN WYALUSING

DEAR WOND: Yes, that could be the sentence unless he’s pardoned by Oprah. And have you thought about how much the world will have changed when he gets out?

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Do you think President Obama’s releasing 30 million barrels of oil from our strategic reserves will help spur the economy?

— CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: I think it will help spur the president’s sagging poll numbers.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My husband tells me that you can tell how far away lightning is if you count the seconds between the flash and the first clap of thunder and then divide by two. Is he right?

— STORM WATCHER,

SILVARA

DEAR STOR: Your husband’s method is one way of determining how far away lightning is. Another is to count the seconds between the lightning flash and when you first notice that the hairs on your arm are standing straight up.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I heard my dad use the word “redundant” on the telephone the other day, but I didn’t know what it meant. Can you tell me? I bet it has something to do with sex.

— TUNKHANNOCK TEEN

DEAR TUNK: Sorry to disappoint you, but redundant means using two words that mean the same thing in the same sentence. A good example would be “working mother.”

— ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: At what point in life do people begin to figure things out and get their head together?

— WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WON: People usually get their head together just about the time that their body starts falling apart.

— ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Are there any Hollywood stars who would be considered good housekeepers by the rest of us?

— TIDY IN TOWANDA

DEAR TID: Zsa Zsa Gabor claimed to be a “marvelous housekeeper.” She once said: “Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”

— ALICE

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CONFIDENTIAL TO HEAT STROKE IN HERRICK: Don’t blame me for the problems you’re having dealing with the hot weather. I know, I was the one who told you how to brew solar tea as a refreshing summer drink, but I assumed you knew enough to add ice before you drank it.

— ALICE

 

 

 

 


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