Just Ask Alice
Editors Note: Alice is vacationing this week. In her absence, we’re reviving one of her previously published columns.
DEAR ALICE: I saw on the news this week that researchers discovered recently that men have something like four million more brain cells than women. Is this true?
— BRAINS IN BURLINGTON
DEAR BRA: Great! But why don’t they ever use them?
DEAR ALICE: I keep reading more and more reports about people being confronted by black bears. What should a woman do if she has a close encounter with one of these critters?
— WORRIED WOMAN,
DEAR WOR: Hey, ask your husband. It’s the men who have all the brains.
DEAR ALICE: What’s the best way to ensure that my wife and I won’t miss out on all of the new tax deductions that are supposed to be coming to the middle class?
— OVERTAXED IN OVERTON
DEAR OV: Probably the best bet is to fill your house up with young ’uns.
DEAR ALICE: I’m reading about the formation of labor unions in America, and I keep coming across the term “featherbedding.” What does this mean?
DEAR LAB: Featherbedding is based on the principle that, if it takes one man one hour to do a job, it will take two men two hours to do it.
DEAR ALICE: Do you have a photographic memory? You seem to know something about everything.
—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN
DEAR CUR: Yes, it’s true I do have a photographic memory. Unfortunately, it doesn’t provide same-day service.
DEAR ALICE: Why was it set up so each state has two senators?
—WONDERING IN WYSOX
DEAR WOND: I heard someone say once it’s that way so one of them can serve as the designated driver.
CONFIDENTIAL TO SOUR STOMACH: Food isn’t the only thing that causes indigestion. You can also get it from eating crow and swallowing your pride.