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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: Do you know what the White House’s “Plan-B” is for settling the debt crisis on a long-term basis?

—BROKE IN BERWICK

DEAR BROKE: My Washington sources tell me that unfortunately the “B” stands for bake sale.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: How come when oil prices go up, gasoline prices go up almost immediately, but when oil prices go down, it takes a long while before gasoline prices follow suit?

—PUMPED OUT, POTTERVILLE

DEAR PUM: It’s all has to do with the rules of economics. In this case, it’s the rule of supply and gouge consumers until they bleed.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Is it true that if the country had fallen into default on its debt, the president could have been impeached?

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: Not really. There are three simple words that would have kept the Obama from being impeached: President Joe Biden.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My husband went deep sea fishing and came home with a cooler full of fish. How can I tell if the fish are still okay to eat?

— FISHING IN FORKSTON

DEAR FISH: Use your nose. If it smells fishy, toss it out. Fish is the only food that’s not fit to eat when it smells like what it is.

— ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I read that 46 percent of Americans think that Congress is corrupt. Any idea what the other 54 percent think of Congress?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: They think Congress is extremely corrupt.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My mother-in-law moved in with us a few weeks ago and has been constantly preaching to us about how much food we eat. The other night, however, I found her at the fridge making a huge ham and cheese sandwich. I didn’t say a word but now I wish I had. Can you suggest something?

—SLEEPWALKER,

STEVENSVILLE

DEAR SLEE: You can say it all with one word. Tonight before you go to bed, tape a small note to the fridge door that simply says “Oink.”

—ALICE

 

 

 


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