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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: Is it true that the bus President Obama traveled on during his recent tour to talk about jobs was made in Canada?

— CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: Yes, it’s true, and we all know if he was a real, red-blooded American it would have been made in China.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: When the earth trembled Tuesday, what did you think was happening?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: I was worried it was my husband Tyson out in the yard playing with his bulldozer again.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: If there is a crowd of people in the forest and a tree falls, how long will it take for it to hit the ground?

—WONDERING IN WYSOX

DEAR WO: I don’t have a clue, but here’s one for you. If a man who is alone in the woods speaks, and his wife cannot hear him, is he still wrong?

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My family is planning a trip to Florida in the winter, but my grandfather says he won’t go with us if we fly. Anyway, can you help me change his mind?

—HELP IN HERRICK

DEAR HE: Try a little humor. Tell him that he’s probably right about not wanting to fly and then say: if God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets. Next hand him his ticket.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My aunt recently started a very intense exercise and diet program. I tell her she can’t turn back the clock, but she just smiles and says nothing. What do you think?

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CU: I think you’re partially right.  You can’t turn back the clock, but you can sure wind it up again! Give your aunt a big hug and tell her to keep at it.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Why is it that people are always saying that we should learn from the mistakes of others?

—EAGER EIGHTH GRADER

DEAR EAG: Because you’ll never live long enough to make them all yourself, dear.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I just landed a great job, I have a wonderful wife and a beautiful baby. Give me one piece of advice to help me stay happy and healthy over the coming years.

—JUST STARTING,

JOHNSON CITY

DEAR JUS: While earning a living, don’t lose sight of your life.

—ALICE

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CONFIDENTIAL TO ON THE MOVE: Always remember that no matter where you go, there you are.

—ALICE

 

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