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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: Is it true that President Obama’s uncle was arrested recently for DUI?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: Yep, it’s true and his alcohol level was higher than the president’s approval rating.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I’ve heard that those sunshields people place inside car windshields can be dangerous. Is this really the case?

— CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: They’re perfectly safe as long as you follow the directions printed on the back: “Do Not Attempt to Drive with Sunshield in Place.”

— ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: With the job market the way it is, could you give me some advice on choosing a career? I’d like to enter a field where I can be reasonably sure of having a job.

—TOWANDA TEEN

DEAR TOW: Learn to speak Chinese and become a translator. They’ll be all sorts of work for you here in America.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Is it true that President Obama’s popularity is slipping?

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: Let me put it this way. It’s getting so bad that on his recent vacation while the president was walking along the beach, the tide suddenly went out.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Now that computers halve such good spell checkers, I don’t sea why high school students like me need to waist our time learning to spell difficult words. I mean it seams silly to do this when their are other more important things to due. What do your think?

— HIGH TECH TEEN,

TUNKHANNOCK

DEAR HI: I think you should write a letter to Bill Gates thanking him for bringing this wonderful technology to the world.

— ALICE

CONFIDENTIAL TO BROKE IN BERWICK: While it’s true that money can’t buy happiness, it’s a lot more comfortable crying in a Porsche than in a beat-up old pickup.

—ALICE

 

 


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