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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: I recently met a very attractive woman at an area tavern and after spending the evening with her, asked if I could drive her home. She agreed. On our way I asked if she would mind if we pulled off at a roadside rest. She agreed again.  Before long, Alice, we were kissing and caressing, and this is when she informed me that she was a hooker and if I wanted things to move along, I would have to pay her $25. I was furious and dropped her off at her house without saying another word. Now I’m wondering if I did the right thing. What do you think?

—DECEIVED

IN DUSHORE

DEAR DE: You did the right thing, well almost the right thing. After she mentioned that bit about being a hooker, you should have said that you were really a taxi driver and it was going to cost her $30 to get home.

— ALICE

* * *

DEAR ALICE: I’m seeing a lot in the news lately about how it’s not right for parents to spank their kids. They’re saying that kids who are not spanked turn out better than those who are. What’s the right answer, Alice?

— MONROETON MOM

DEAR MON: How you discipline your children should really be your business, providing you’re not abusive. I will tell you, however, that spanking is a very useful disciplinary tool around our house, where about once a month I have to slap the bejesus out of my husband, Tyson.

— ALICE

* * *

DEAR ALICE: I don’t know exactly how to ask this question but I’ve been led to believe there are devices that will increase sexual desire in women. Is this true?

— MONTROSE MAN

DEAR MON: There are several mechanical devices that will arouse women. Chief among them is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

—ALICE

* * *

CONFIDENTIAL TO DUNMORE DEMOCRAT: If Hillary Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

— ALICE

 


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