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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: You’ve obviously been around a few years. What do you feel are the most significant changes you’ve seen?

—CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: That’s an easy question. Ten years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs. Now there’s no hope, no cash and no jobs.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Did the unemployment figures improve during September? I keep watching for news about this on TV but always seem to miss it.

—JOB HUNTER, JERMYN

DEAR JO: Unemployment is still at about 9.1 percent, or 9.2 percent if you factor in Hank Williams, Jr. getting booted off Monday Night Football.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I read that there is a proposal in Congress that would allow rich people who feel they aren’t paying enough taxes to voluntarily pay more. Do you know how much money this would bring in?

—TAXED IN TERRYTOWN

DEAR TAX: By my calculations about $1.75.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My brother says you know everything. Is that true? Do you really know everything?

— CAMPTOWN TEEN

DEAR CAM: It’s not true. I’m not young enough to know everything.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Is it true that I can keep my husband interested in me by making him jealous?

—ANXIOUS IN ATHENS

DEAR AN: It might be true that making your husband a little jealous will keep him interested. But a sure way to lose him is making him a little more jealous.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I heard my parents talking about someone who they said is a hypochondriac. What is that?

—WONDERING

IN WYALUSING

DEAR WOND:  A hypochondriac is a man who stays home from work because he’s the only person in his office who doesn’t have a cold.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: What’s the best way to discover your faults and weaknesses?

—SEARCHING IN SILVARA

DEAR SEAR: Try having a serious quarrel with your best friend. It will take less than a minute to discover the real you.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: What’s one of the major differences between you and your mother?

—OLD TIMER, OVERTON

DEAR OL: My mom knew how to cook all of my dad’s favorite dishes; I know which restaurants serve my husband’s favorite food.

—ALICE

 


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