Just Ask Alice
DEAR ALICE: I saw on the news recently that a man was found to be married to two women, which is against the law. What they didn’t say is what the punishment is. Do you know?
DEAR MON: The punishment is he has two mothers-in-law.
DEAR ALICE: I just turned 65 and feel 20 years younger. What signs should I watch for that tell me I’m getting “old”?
DEAR FEEL: Start worrying the next time you’re doing the hokey pokey and when you “put your left hip out…” it stays there.
DEAR ALICE: Do you think computers and so-called artificial intelligence will take over the world someday?
DEAR POND: Not really. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
DEAR ALICE: What’s one of the most surprising things you’ve found about motherhood?
DEAR NE: It has to be that just when you start thinking your work is done as a mother, you become a grandmother.
DEAR ALICE: I heard my dad say that our neighbor was a malingerer but he wouldn’t tell me what it means. Instead, he told me to look it up in the dictionary. Now I can spell it, but I still really don’t know what the word means. Can you help me?
—CONFUSED IN CAMPTOWN
DEAR CON: Think of it this way: When there is a piano to be moved, a malingerer is the person who always grabs the stool.
DEAR ALICE: I have to write a school report about the trials and tribulations the American pioneers faced as they trudged day after day into the setting sun. Can you help me?
DEAR SIL: Hey, the worst part was they didn’t have sunglasses back then.
CONFIDENTIAL TO TROUBLED IN TOWANDA: The best way to solve your problem is with an open mind, not an open mouth.