OldArchive / Just Ask Alice

Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: I read some recent advice about password protection from a local, credible personage.... however, he's the editor of the local paper and disclosed all kinds of personal info like, his password protection service provider. Is this personage credible any more? Do I have to worry that my local newspaper will fold because a continental African entrepreneur hacked my community newspaper because that is the growth industry there? Is my rural peaceful idyll now insecure because the idyllic Indian named township I live in has now got a target on its innocent cyber-back? Living in fear.

—MEGALOMANIAC (MERRYALL) MEG

DEAR MEG: I was trying to keep this email from the boss, but he must have seen it. Now you got him scared and paranoid. He’s even talking about keeping his money in one of those truckers’ wallets with the long chain that attaches to his belt.

—ALICE

**********

DEAR ALICE: I recently read that 23 percent of traffic accidents are alcohol related. Is this correct?

—TOWANDA TEA-TOTALER

DEAR TOW: Yes, it’s correct and if you do the math it’s pretty obvious that it’s the non-drinkers that you really need to look out for.

—ALICE

**********

DEAR ALICE: One thing that I really don’t like about Christmas is that my husband insists on inviting his idiot brother to our home for Christmas dinner and I always end up getting in an argument with this jerk. Please show me the way to a Merry Christmas that he won’t ruin.

—CORNERED IN CORNING

DEAR COR: Take my advice and never argue with an idiot. He’ll drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

—ALICE

**********

DEAR ALICE: I was a huge fan of Herman Cain and am shocked by his downfall. What made this happen?

—CAINED IN CANTON

DEAR CAINED: Behind every successful man is his woman. And behind the fall of every successful man is usually another woman (or two or three).

—ALICE

**********

DEAR ALICE: My sister-in-law says she is a good person because she goes to church every Sunday, but I don’t agree; she really quite awful. I’d like to find a way I can explain this to her, but I need your help.

—WAITING IN WYSOX

DEAR WA: Tell her this: Going to church every Sunday doesn’t make you a good person any more than walking into a garage once a week makes you a car.

—ALICE

**********

CONFIDENTIAL TO SLOW LEARNER IN SILVARA: You’re never to old to learn something stupid.

—ALICE

 

Return to top

Copyright 2011-2014 Rocket-Courier. All rights reserved.