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Just Ask Alice

 

DEAR ALICE: I’m seeing a lot about him on the news except what it was that actually killed North Korean leader Kim Jong Il. Do you know what did him in?

— CURIOUS IN CAMPTOWN

DEAR CUR: I really don’t know and the North Koreans aren’t saying, but I hear that he has been Il all of his life.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I hear there’s a plan afoot to get that drone back that fell into the hands of the Iranians. Is this true?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: Nobody is talking about it officially, but I hear there are rumors about swapping Joe Biden for the missing plane. It’s one drone for another.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: If you could change one thing about the way we celebrate Christmas, what would it be?

—SANTA’S HELPER,

SAYRE

DEAR SANT: I’d like to see Christmas moved to a time of year when the stores aren’t so crowded.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: Is it true that we should try not to eat food that has preservatives?

—CURIOUS IN CANTON

DEAR CUR: That seems to be the current thinking today, but I personally don’t follow those guidelines. At my age, I figure I need all the preservatives I can get.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: I’ve been trying to impress on my family during the Christmas season that money isn’t everything. I was hoping perhaps you could give me some tips to help make my point.

—MERCUR MOM

DEAR MER: You’re on the right track. Tell your kids that money isn’t everything; there’s always Visa and MasterCard.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: My husband and I just moved to Bradford County from Alabama and we love it here. Could you tell me if there are any unusual local customs here that we will have to get used to? I just don’t want to get caught by surprise and act inappropriately.

—NEW ALBANY NEWCOMER

DEAR NEW: Here’s something you should be aware of this time of year: If the weather forecast calls for just a slight chance of a tiny accumulation of snow, your presence is immediately required at the grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to be there.

—ALICE

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DEAR ALICE: What’s one of your fondest Christmas memories?

—WONDERING IN WILMOT

DEAR WOND: I guess it would be the good old days of Christmas when people didn’t start shopping until after Thanksgiving and actually stopped when they ran out of money.

—ALICE

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CONFIDENTIAL TO WONDERING IN WYALUSING: I don’t care what your cousin told you, a person who has been “born again” does not have two belly buttons.

—ALICE


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